How to fight loneliness

Written by Rachel Smith for Australian Seniors

With chronic loneliness on the rise in Australia and globally, it has been suggested that we’re in the midst of a ‘loneliness epidemic’. Associate Professor Michelle Lim, from the University of Sydney’s School of Public Health, wouldn’t go that far, but she says the stats are concerning.

“Last year, we found out that one in three Australians feel lonely at any given time – that’s quite stark,” says Professor Lim, who is also the CEO of Ending Loneliness Together. “Also, one in six report very high levels of loneliness, which is severe. It’s a red flag to us because often people don’t necessarily know how to get the help they need.”

Professor Melody Ding, epidemiologist and population behavioural scientist at the University of Sydney, agrees that loneliness has become a public health issue. “We need to destigmatise it, have more conversations about it and more compassion towards each other and ourselves,” she says.

What is loneliness?

The textbook answer points to a biological drive to connect with others socially, says Professor Ding. “It’s not about occasionally feeling lonely on a Friday night, but rather having that constant sense of disconnection. It’s very much about feeling like you want higher quality relationships and to connect with people more, but you’re not getting that.”

If you’re often distressed about how lonely you feel, that’s a sign it’s a problem, Professor Lim adds. “If you’re upset by it, if you have a sense of emptiness, or you can’t shake the feeling of loneliness, you need to become comfortable with identifying it and acting on it.”

Why are we feeling lonely?

There are different types of loneliness, but for those who may have lost a loved one, intimate loneliness can be a big one, says Professor Lim. “People who are single, divorced or widowed are much more predisposed to feeling lonely.”

Loneliness affects older people in many ways, says psychologist Rachel Tomlinson. “If you’ve left the workforce, you might have fewer opportunities for regular social interactions, or kids leaving home. Some of your social networks may have moved away or even passed away, and if you’re suffering cognitive or physical issues, that might impact your desire or your ability to engage with others, too.”

It’s important to take action as soon as possible, with loneliness associated with a number of poor health outcomes. “There have been many studies that have found those who are chronically lonely are more likely to die early or suffer from major chronic diseases, such as cardiovascular disease or dementia,” says Professor Ding.

“Loneliness can creep up slowly; you might notice you aren’t hearing from someone as regularly as you used to,” says Rachel. “If you notice a loved one is increasingly isolating themselves, try making regular contact or even scheduling time in your calendar each week to reach out and check in. It’s also important to support them to source other resources and support, like their GP.”

What’s happening globally?

Loneliness initiatives around the world are working hard to bring connection back to communities. In the Netherlands, a Dutch supermarket chain has the Kletskassa, which translates as ‘chat checkout’, for people who want to take their time shopping, and have a chat.

“I’d love to see this happen in an Australian supermarket – this is about creating a culture of connection,” says Professor Lim. “For a lot of older people, going to the supermarket is the only form of interaction they’ll have all day.”

There’s also a Swedish co-living project in the works, bringing two groups at risk of loneliness together: young people and the elderly. The residents, who agree to spend at least two hours a week together, have their own space but share communal areas. “Both groups get a lot out of it,” says Professor Ding, “and it’s an innovation I’d love to see here.”

Tackling loneliness also comes down to making life easier for societies, fixing financial pressures and inequality, she adds. “We know countries with a lower prevalence of loneliness have more social equality, better health, a more equal wealth distribution,” adds Professor Ding.

“And while it’s important to have more public awareness around loneliness and lose the shame, we need to complement that with urban design, transportation and social policy that rethinks how we live, how we design our offices, buildings, our environments, with the idea of facilitating more social interactions and social connections.”

How to swap loneliness for joy

Build connections with small talk

“Talk to your neighbours, people in your community, the person that helps you at the grocery store. These simple interactions all build connections over time,” says Associate Professor Michelle Lim.

Take up volunteering

“It’s a great strategy if there’s a cause that’s dear to your heart,” says psychologist Rachel Tomlinson. “It can help you increase opportunities for socialising and improve your mood and self-esteem, as you’re giving back.”

Embrace digital tools

“If you can’t get out or you’re vulnerable due to a health issue, digital tools and social media can be a great source of connection,” says Professor Lim.

Find an exercise group

“Running clubs, for example, are popular because they give us a sense of belonging as well as exercise,” says Professor Melody Ding. “And that’s really important for everyone.”

Make little tweaks

“Digital photo frames are great for keeping families up to date,” says Rachel. “Or you could go to online workshops or special interest groups. People are also seeing the benefit in therapy, or companion animals.”

Seek help

“Not many people know how to talk about loneliness in a way that’s meaningful, respectful and feels safe for the person who’s lonely,” says Professor Lim, “so reach out to your GP for help first.”

Loneliness resources

Like to know more? Here are some suggestions that may be helpful.  

• One Another

This social enterprise initiative encourages acts of kindness and volunteering.

• Ending Loneliness Together

Translates research into practical resources and solutions to effectively tackle the problem, and runs Loneliness Awareness Week every August.